The Life I Chose to live

     Okay... I know all of you are probably wondering what's with the magic trick title. So I'll explain.     For years Joey made sure that I believed there was no way in hell I could make it without him. Then when Brandi and I got together he really started in on the "y'all wouldn't be able to afford all this without me", "if I don't make the money then you'll lose everything", "without me, all of this is gone". Well guess what?!? He's been gone for nearly 2 months and we have it figured out.        The car is refinanced and now has lower payments. The household is running smoothly for the most part. The kids still have everything they need. And all the bills are paid and up to date. What money we are able to put back over the next month will cover necessities for back to school. But after that's taken care of.. we should be just fine.       I guess it wasn't so much of a magic trick as it was strategy... But hey, here ...

     Well... It's been a time of major change mentally, emotionally, and physically. Life has taken some crazy turns lately, but it seems to be turning out really well for us. About a month ago Joey decided to go MIA on us for nearly a week. This caused Brandi and I both to do a bit of digging on his whereabouts. We weren't exactly thrilled. But then his ex boss actually reached out to me and filled me in on information I definitely did not know... Including but not limited to a girlfriend and child.      Well long story short, Brandi and I both decided enough was enough. We put an end to our relationship with Joey. And I'm here to tell you, it was the best decision either of us have made in a long time. I had forgotten how free it feels to be free. Not having to play 21 questions 3 times a day.. or repeat myself 20 times ..  and it has felt amazing to not be in emotional distress half the week trying to prove myself to someone that either doesn't list...

     Can I start by saying... this year is flying by. It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating little Ms. Jordyn's third birthday. And now here we are approaching May.     But May contains a lot of big milestones for our family. Our oldest (Raymon) will be graduating. That in it's self is a huge accomplishment. We both worked our buts off to see that day come. When he first came to me, he had already missed a year of school. He had nowhere near the credits required to graduate on any level. He had no dream or ambition. But now look at my little butterfly. We sat down with the school counselor two years ago and made a plan and got him on track. And now he is working so hard to get into a welding program and further his education. Proud is an understatement!    Levi has done a 360 too. He is now on track to graduate with a public service achievement. And his goal for after graduation next year is to join the military and obtain his CDL. He has co...

    Yesterday was by far one of the worst days I have had in a very long time. Normally when I say I have had a bad day it means the kids have drove me crazy or something simple breaks causing an inconvenience. No! Yesterday was a bad day.      Let's start with the fact of nearly waking up too late to get the kids on the school bus. I guess due to being up late dealing with sinus drainage, I didn't hear my alarm. So there I was all scatter brained and rushing kids out the door. I was running almost 20 minutes late and the kids were just minutes from missing the bus.     Then let's add the fact that I had a vet appointment for Bridget. That actually went pretty well until the worlds biggest German Sheppard scared the crap out of her and caused her to go into an anxiety attack. And when I say this dog was huge, I mean huge. The damn thing was bigger than I am by a long shot. He gave me anxiety. But poor little 19 pound Bridget was terrified. Her muscles ...

     Finally I'm starting to feel myself again. By that I mean I'm no longer on pain meds and sleeping with my face wrapped in an ice pack. Everything else is still an adjustment. I've been experimenting with foods to find out what I can and can't eat. For comfort reasons I am adjusting when and how long I wear my dentures... and I have definitely been trying different types of adhesive. That is definitely not a one size fit all category. I personally hate the feel of adhesive so I will be trying thermoplastic in the very near future.    And thankfully, these are not my permanent teeth. I definitely do not like the feel of plastic and I'm glad I chose porcelain. The plastic may look good, but it doesn't have anywhere near the density that I was expecting. Even chewing is a task. I guess that is why I am looking forward to July. July 21st to be exact. I finally go to be fitted for my final set. YAY!

     You would think after nearly 9 months I would have found a way to be okay with the fact that my grandma is gone. But somehow just as I think I'm okay she finds a way back into my mind and I want to scream and cry.. I guess I haven't really allowed myself to mourn the way I should. In my defense, I don't really have anyone to sit and talk about her with either. The family we share aren't a part of my life... asides from my auntie Le that is taking it just as hard as I am.     I guess that's why I'm here talking about her. To share with the world what an amazing woman she was.    Anyone who laid eyes on her could see the obvious. She was beautiful, intelligent, and bold. But what you can't see is that she hid her pain from the world. Her story isn't one from a novel where the princess got the prince and lived happily ever after. Nor is she the scorned woman full of hatred from the life she was dealt. She is the survivor. She met my grandpa in V...

     Just when you think the growing up is paused for just a second, life reminds you that your baby isn't a baby anymore.  Damian is growing up to be such an intelligent little man. We are barely into the second semester of his second grade year and this little guy comes parading in carrying his library book. I take a look at it and it's at grade level 2.9.    For those of you that aren't up to code on what that means, the first number is grade reading level. The second number is the progress level within that grade level. So long story short he is reading at nearly a 3rd grade level already. I'm so proud of him... but I'm also wondering how long I can hold on to him before he decides he's not my baby anymore. 😔 

 

 

      Damian and Raymon got this for me. Apparently it was supposed to be my Christmas gift from them, but due to Raymon not getting paid until 4 days before Christmas,  it did not make it in time.       I am absolutely in love with this. It's so pretty. I still haven't brought myself to take the necklace out of its box. Of all the things I received for Christmas,  this is my favorite. 

     It's been a while since I've done anything just for myself. So yesterday I went browsing and found this cute little desk.    When we moved into this house I left my desk behind to insure there was plenty of space for everyone else's things. I've regretted it every day since. But after decluttering and putting some "no so frequently used items" (holiday decor) away in the attic, I realized I had the perfect space for a small desk.      I'm so excited to have a space just for myself again.

      I am so happy to see Christmas come and go... but mostly go. The house was decorated inside and out. There were lights and garland everywhere I could afford to put them. It was beautiful.  And of course there were many, many presents under the tree.     I think of everyone,  Damian enjoyed his Christmas presents the most! He finally got a nintendo switch and a boatload of games to go with it. Well he already had one for at his nana's but now he has one for home as well. Jordyn was exited about all of her gifts... especially ripping the paper off of everything! Olivia especially loved her sloth pj's.      It was a great Christmas but I'm happy it's over. So happy that I've already packed up all the decor and deep cleaned the house! I'll be starting off the new year with a clean home.

     I guess in all the excitement of buying the house and the holidays, somewhere along the way I forgot to take care of myself. And boy am I ever feeling it. I feel like I could sleep for 2 days and just forget that the world exist. However, that isn't truly an option. Although I may actually get to rest a little towards the end of this week. (Fingers crossed)     I think the worst part of everything right now is the mental stress. Just figuring out how to get things back to normal after the whole home buying process... it's just draining. Getting finances back in line, figuring out the new normal, adjusting the budgets, and you guessed it....Christmas. Luckily the biggest part of my Christmas shopping is over. I can't wait to see the look on Damian's face when he unwraps his presents this year. I know little Ms. Jordyn is going to have a field day as well.      As excited as I am to see their faces on Christmas day, I am more excited to see the...

     I know I'm a little late posting this, but in my defense Thanksgiving took priority over a blog post.    On November 21, 2023 we finally signed the closing documents, making us home owners. We were so excited. This year we celebrated our first Thanksgiving in OUR home. I'm not normally a fan of first... but this is a year that's full of first that I am excited for. 

     I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to have this all done and over with. We are finally home owners!!!

    Well finally after months of working tirelessly, I think we have finally reached a point where I can rest and let the mortgage originator do their jobs. No one ever told me that when you're buying a home, they dig into every aspect of your life. I have spent weeks obtaining support orders, payments received, payments made, bank statements, exc. Did I mention it was exhausting?      Now that all information has been sent in (hopefully) I can rest and simply wait on our closing date. I am beyond ready for all of this to come to an end. I never thought I would be ready for the day that all I have to do is make a payment, but here I am.      Between the 50 phone calls a day, the insurance quotes, the mortgage choices, appraisals, and repairs that had to be done... I am sick of the home buying experience. Can I skip to the making monthly payment and being left alone now?

    So I've only been on the new medication for a week now, but so far I have noticed less cravings. I didn't even crave chocolate or sweets when mother nature decided to visit. After realizing this I decided to do a quick weigh in just to see if I seen any results.. even a small one. TWO pounds gone.      I didn't expect to see any loss. But I'll take it!

                                       Okay, so I'll admit that lately the lack of a relationship with my parents has been weighing heavily on me. I look at my kiddos and see all the joy and happiness they bring me and wonder how can any parent not want that with their own flesh and blood... or with any child they lay claim to? My kids are the very reason I live and breath. While yes, there are plenty of times they cause what seems like and incurable migraine, they bring me so many happy moments as well.     I never got the feeling that I made either of my parents happy at any point. My father raised 3 children that were not his and didn't even meet me until I was 12. Then he didn't return until I was 17. Sad to say our moral values didn't align and that relationship was short lived. My mother raised me, mostly, but we never had a connection either. In fact most of my life I fel...

    I've never been one to ask for help. Normally I take everything on by my self  and don't give it a second thought. If I do ask for help it has to be something I know I can't take on physically or mentally by myself. So I've been attempting to break that cycle and ask for help more often.     The problem with that is now I know why I stopped asking for help years ago. If you don't ask for help, you can't be disappointed when the people you thought you could depend on let you down. If you don't ask for help, you can only be upset with yourself when things don't turn out like you want or need.    So since I've relearned that you can only count on yourself, I'll be going right back to that... counting on myself