The Life I Chose to live

    It's been a rough few weeks. Dealing with a flood of emotions and constant anxiety is bullshit. I don't think I've went a full day without feeling like someone has taken a seat on my chest and refused to budge. It's gotten to the point that sometimes I have to enter my happy place and simply breath. It definitely hasn't been an easy past few weeks.     When I had my therapy sessions, I explained the anxiety and what's changed and happened between each session. So I will start there and explain as I go....    Allan and Holly started their crap again.. if you're new to my page that means coming up with any excuse they can to not take part in Blake and Olivia's lives. Allan was supposed to take Olivia to get new boots 3 weeks ago, since his dog chewed hers over the summer. Well he never showed to pick her up... his excuse "my phone was messing up and I couldn't reach you". Then they were supposed to pick the kids up for scheduled visitatio

    I have definitely been enjoying getting back to how things once were. I've been able to stay home more often and be more attentive to the household and kids vs just a few months ago I didn't have time to deal with everything. So as you can imagine a lot of things went ignored. A few months ago I spent all of my time working, and what time I wasn't working I was looking for more jobs.    Thanks to Joey that time has passed. I've been able to stay home, tend to the kids, and take care of myself and my household. I still work... just not near as often. I also only do it to supplement income vs it being the main source of income. It's been a relief. I wasn't sure how much longer my household or I could keep going like that. Especially Damian and miss Jordyn. Both of them were so used to me being home to tend to them and then just *bam* out of nowhere mom was working full time. Neither of them handled it well.    I would be lying if I said it's been an easy t

          I can't even begin to explain how much I love this woman. She is always doing small things to brighten my day. Yesterday she knew I was struggling. Which I have been for a while now. So she surprised me with flowers. She knows that just that little gesture brightens my day so much. I've got to be the luckiest woman on earth.

         Well today is Monday, and I can honestly say I have kicked it's ass! Before 3pm today I had the room cleaned, all the kids final paperwork completed and sent in so we are completely ready to return to school, called in refills on mine and the kids meds, got bus schedules, and printed out the kids school routine. Yup, I would say that I completely murdered today.        Now all I have to get done the rest of this week is my general cleaning around the house, my therapy, and doing one final run through the kids wardrobes to ensure they have everything needed before school starts next week. Don't get me wrong, I  love all of my kids to the moon and back but summer is way too long. I am beyond ready to get back on a school schedule.        Well, I guess I should get back to my housework. I've already started to implement the school schedule so it's time to move on to the next thing to do. I hope y'all are enjoying the last bit of summer. Bright blessings loveli

   Sometimes I wonder why I decided to get into the line of work that I did. I deal with this crap every other Friday for crap pay. I swear this person doesn't bother cleaning anything between cleans. It's gotten to a point that I want to drop this client and just close shop. I used to enjoy cleaning for others, but this is just pure ridiculous. There's no reason that a house should look like this when it's just a single man and his two dogs.   

                                Little miss Jordyn ate her first ice cream cone all by her self.        Lounging in the pool. She loves to sun bathe.                                                          Pool time with mama and mommy.                                                           My silly boy. But he loves his mama.                                                   Time is progress.. but I'm working on me.       One of my fellow bloggers asked about the kids and the family. Jordyn is almost at her 18 month mark and my little man is now 6 and going into 1st grade.

    So one of you lovely ladies asked me to share my journey with EMDR. I've only had one session so far (with many more to come). I will say that the experience is far different from normal therapy sessions. The first session is all about creating a safe place in your mind. So think back to the safest place you remember.     For me this was a property my papaw had when I was little. I lived with him out there for a most of my early childhood. Now visualize it.. let your mind drift off and just be there. Remember the sights, the sounds, the way it smelled, and if there was someone connected to that place that made you feel safe... put them there with you.    For me this was hard. I could see the gravel driveway, the peach trees, the quail in their pen. I could see the pond and ducks... and the first time in many years I could see my papaws face. I could smell the fresh cut grass and the lingering odor of his BRUT cologne. I could taste the fresh peaches and the feel of the grass be