I'm Back

     Okay, so I'm still alive... so ya'll can stop worrying. I just took a break from blogging for a while. I was going through some rather personal stuff. Long story short, It was a lot of stress. So much stress that Brandi's doctor was beginning to worry about little miss Jordyn and her well being. Doctors orders were to eliminate the stress. It was easy to figure out the cause of all the stress. It all came from one person. Some of you may have guessed it.... Joey.  

    He seemed to be the cause of 90% of the stress and arguments in the house hold. Not to mention that after every weekend or time he spent in the house I had to spent 3-4 days correcting the kids behavior. It was more than what any one person could handle. But I've corrected the issue and now little miss Jordyn is back to being her active self, heart beat is back to normal, and she and her momma are out of the danger zone. And with getting rid of the problem the kids are starting to act better as well. 

    The most major change around here since getting rid of Joey is my sanity. I thought all hope was lost for my mental well being but it turns out I was just under a tremendous amount of stress. I was at a point of forgetting just about everything, having mental break downs 3-4 times a week, not being able to sleep, eat, or focus, and the list of effects it had on my body go on and on. I even signed myself up to see a therapist and psychologist. It was that bad. But now I'm mostly back to my old self. I'm able to focus and I haven't had a break down in over a week. However I am going to continue seeing my therapist and psychologist for a while to continue getting myself figured out. 

    So far my diagnosis has indicated that I have depression, anxiety, and PTSD. The depression was something I already new about. But the anxiety and PTSD are new. I found it as a shock but she did not. She says it's common for women who have been in long term relationships with such "narcissist". Infact she encouraged me to continue therapy and to encourage others who have been in long term relationships with him to seek counselling a well. I guess all of the years I've thought he was my only rock he was literally the rock I was beating myself with.

    But the good news is that now I am getting the help I need. I'm free of the repeating cycle and I am doing better... Not just me but my entire household. It may be rough for a while but we are making the changes that need to be made and figuring it out along the way. In the long run we will be better for it.