Making changes for me
I know I've been going on and on about getting back to the person I want to be. It's been a fight left and right, but I'm not backing down. This time I have to make these changes to make myself happy. I've realized that living my life to make others happy, just isn't a life worth living. I rather fight for what I want than break and live miserably to make others happy.
Lately I haven't spent much time at all at home. Hell I haven't hardly even been in town. And honestly... even with the fighting to do what I want, I've been happier than I have been in a long time. I've enjoyed the freedom of hanging out with friends and even making new friends. I've enjoyed seeing the kids play and have fun. They have made new friends as well. It was a fight and a half to get those moments.. but if I had to do it again I most definitely would. While yes it was a headache and a half to be able to enjoy those simple moments in life, Nothing could replace the memories we have made.
Over the last week or so, I have done a lot of things that I haven't been allowed to do in years. I literally got to become a grease monkey for a while... yup that's right. This girl got under the hood of a truck just like I used to do. And now I have that satisfied feeling of knowing that I actually did something that helped get a vehicle up and running again. As simple as that must sound... it's actually very satisfying to know that your efforts and work helped accomplish such a wonderful task. (Might I add.. the truck sounds like a beast... and I love it.)
It's just the small things that make me feel so accomplished, Even though they are task that aren't "deemed fit for a woman to do". It may seem stupid to a lot of people.. but to this country girl, just being one of the guys is a lot more fun than getting all dressed up and sitting on my prissy ass doing nothing but being a stay at home wife/mom. I really missed the girl I used to be.. and even though I have only been getting glimpses of that girl over the last week, I can honestly say I was stupid for ever giving her up for anyone. I was a much happier person way back when I was allowed to be that girl. I've missed not being so serious all the time. I've missed acting half my age. I've missed being able to be goofy and carefree. I've missed just being able to be myself. And although the crowd of people that allow me to be that girl is small, they are precious.
I'm sure the journey to being that girl full time again is going to be quite hard.. but I'm willing to travel it just to be happy again. I may lose some people along the way. But I refuse to blame myself for them not being able to accept me for who I really am. I am making these changes for myself.. my happiness.. my sanity.. my well-being. If people can't love and accept me for being the real me... then maybe they don't deserve to be a part of it. I'm not going to allow anyone to ruin what makes me happy. This is for me... So cheer me on while I walk this path that is leading me back to my county roots.
Lately I haven't spent much time at all at home. Hell I haven't hardly even been in town. And honestly... even with the fighting to do what I want, I've been happier than I have been in a long time. I've enjoyed the freedom of hanging out with friends and even making new friends. I've enjoyed seeing the kids play and have fun. They have made new friends as well. It was a fight and a half to get those moments.. but if I had to do it again I most definitely would. While yes it was a headache and a half to be able to enjoy those simple moments in life, Nothing could replace the memories we have made.
Over the last week or so, I have done a lot of things that I haven't been allowed to do in years. I literally got to become a grease monkey for a while... yup that's right. This girl got under the hood of a truck just like I used to do. And now I have that satisfied feeling of knowing that I actually did something that helped get a vehicle up and running again. As simple as that must sound... it's actually very satisfying to know that your efforts and work helped accomplish such a wonderful task. (Might I add.. the truck sounds like a beast... and I love it.)
It's just the small things that make me feel so accomplished, Even though they are task that aren't "deemed fit for a woman to do". It may seem stupid to a lot of people.. but to this country girl, just being one of the guys is a lot more fun than getting all dressed up and sitting on my prissy ass doing nothing but being a stay at home wife/mom. I really missed the girl I used to be.. and even though I have only been getting glimpses of that girl over the last week, I can honestly say I was stupid for ever giving her up for anyone. I was a much happier person way back when I was allowed to be that girl. I've missed not being so serious all the time. I've missed acting half my age. I've missed being able to be goofy and carefree. I've missed just being able to be myself. And although the crowd of people that allow me to be that girl is small, they are precious.
I'm sure the journey to being that girl full time again is going to be quite hard.. but I'm willing to travel it just to be happy again. I may lose some people along the way. But I refuse to blame myself for them not being able to accept me for who I really am. I am making these changes for myself.. my happiness.. my sanity.. my well-being. If people can't love and accept me for being the real me... then maybe they don't deserve to be a part of it. I'm not going to allow anyone to ruin what makes me happy. This is for me... So cheer me on while I walk this path that is leading me back to my county roots.
I love being able to fix things. I do a lot of work around the house, much more than I would have thought I could do before we bought a house. It's very satisfying to work hard and get something done. I don't worry about what people think a woman should or shouldn't do. If they have time to worry about what I'm doing, then they need a hobby!
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