Rediscovering my roots

    For years I have conformed to the way of others. I've changed everything about myself and changed them again. For what? To attempt to find the things in life that make me happiest... to make others happy along my journey... to find myself. But have you ever came to a point in life that you sit reflecting and find that the things that make you happiest are actually the things you began with? I've reached that point in life. I am at a point of reflection. I've noticed that I am far from what I really am. I've changed and camouflaged myself so much that I've lost all sight of who I really am.
    Everyone that sees me now sees me as this prissy little petite thing that only finds joy in the finer things in life. But that's not true. At the end of the day I am just a country girl that cleans up nice. I find myself day dreaming about all the outdoor activities that I once enjoyed so much. I am far from some city girl that can't stand lake water, mud, or getting dirty. That's not me. I enjoy mud riding, mud fights, going fishing and hunting. I enjoy bomb fires, looking at the stars, and dancing in the rain. Who have I become? Where the hell are my morals? My roots? Where did I go? I've lost myself.
   That is why I have decided to take a leap of faith. On short notice, we've decided to make the move back home to Arkansas. I will be staying with a few friends for a while until I can get things situated the way that I want them. But during that time I will also be rediscovering my roots. I'll be spending time with friends and family. I'll be able to go and do the activities that I most enjoyed during my younger years. And in all actuality, I can't wait. I am beyond ready to be home. This next month can't pass quickly enough.
   I have become tired of how things are ran here in Texas. I am tired of "how things are supposed to be". I'm tired of others dictating who I am and how I run things. I'm tired of being told that I handle things wrong or that I should conform to others opinions of me. I am me! I am sorry but that is all I can be, and I'm sick of people telling me that I need to be anything but that. I'm ready to be back in a place that I am accepted for who I am and not who I have been molded to be. I miss being my normal "southern girl" self.  It's in my roots. Regardless of which way the wind bends and breaks my branches my roots have always and will always remain that same "Arkansas, hill billy, country" girl. I can't hide that any longer. So weather people like it or not, I will return to my roots... fully. Only those that truly know and love me will survive this. But it's not for or about them. It's for me!